So, it’s been quite awhile and some things have happened. Hopefully I can remember it all, because things happen and I want to blog about them, but when I sit down to write I forget all the things I want to write.
Let’s see, where to begin. Maybe I’ll work backwards from now until Taylor Swifts latest album release. I’ve been going through all the emotions. Mostly anxiety, constant, persistent, sometimes crippling, anxiety. I kind of feel like my new medication has sucked some of my creativity out of me. I don’t have any inspiration. Any time I think about writing I just find it uninteresting. I love writing. So, I guess I have to decide if that’s a trade off I’m willing to work with. I feel pretty good on it, but things just don’t feel interesting. Nothing sounds, good or fun. It’s just kind of meh. I’m not sure if there’s a solution to that. I mean, there probably is, I just haven’t found it yet. I’ve only been on the medication for about a month, but it was supposed to start working right away. If there’s a task I actually need to do or want to do, I can do it without an issue, but for now I have to deal with the lack of inspiration and need to be creative. Which is very frustrating. I figure writing a blog post would be the easiest to write because I can take a topic and write about it. When I write fiction the ideas have to flow from inside of me. And that just isn’t happening. I’m going to start trying to write more.
My school situation is weird for me this semester. I’m taking two zero credit classes, so I don’t actually have any work to do. I was actually looking forward to school because I wanted some sort of structure, but that went out the window. I’m not good at sticking to routines. I don’t like that, that’s how I am, but I’m not good a sticking with things in general. Working out, writing, reading, any type of craft project. I know that’s a habit I can change, but I don’t know how. Especially because my moods are so erratic. I’ll wake up one morning and be fine, but my mood will decline. I get burnt out pretty easily and discouraged. I was hoping that this medication would help, but so far it hasn’t.
The thing is that, life can be unpredictable. Like, my birthday was about two weeks ago and that didn’t go as planned. I got a belly button infection. I choked on a bagel and my boyfriend had to give me the Heimlich, which caused me that have rib and back pain. So, there really isn’t much I can do. Also, my dog had to have surgery yesterday which was nerve wracking (She is home now, everything went amazing and she’s resting comfortably). All in all I’m just in physical discomfort and that usually has an effect on my mood. I’m only comfortable if I sit in certain positions because of my ribs.
I know I should try and think positively, but at this point I’ve accepted that I’m mostly a pessimist. I worry and panic easily, I always think about the worst thing that could happen first, and I’m usually the first to jump to conclusions. I haven’t really been enjoying any shows or books or anything really so I don’t have any thing to recommend. Also, the business is being slow because of the pandemic. So, if someone were to ask me how I was handling the pandemic, I would answer, not well. I’m doing the best I can, well I think so anyway. I feel like I can be productive today, but we’ll see. Fingers crossed that I’ll have enough energy or general will power to update tomorrow.