Sunday Rambles Pt. 5

It’s early, like 5:20 am early. I got up to go to the bathroom and couldn’t fall back asleep, so right now it’s just me and Bruce. Also, when I woke up I saw that our motion sensor back porch light was on, which is very weird. It doesn’t usually get triggered by animals and I am not going to go investigate. Unless I get too hungry and have to go make waffles downstairs. I’m not there yet, but I’m sure it’ll happen. Actually, it’s fathers day, so I may hold out until my mom makes breakfast. We’ll see how much will-power I have.

Sometimes when I wake up early and decide today is going to be a “maybe” day, I feel a bit more relaxed than usual. Probably because I know I won’t be pushing myself to do thing after thing after thing. Also my dad just wants to do nothing for Father’s Day today. I kinda want to work out, but I also kind of don’t. On another note I just dropped my laptop. I’m not sure if I’ve ever written this, but according to my boyfriend, I am where electronics go to die. I don’t buy new or expensive electronics because they always break on me. I just made my first expensive headphones, I paid a whopping $77. I’m very frugal, so I really had to be pushed to order them, but I finally did, and I’m very excited.

I’m not really tired right now and I need to stay awake. I’ve fallen back into the pattern of falling back asleep on the couch after I wake up and come out the the living room. Well it’s a little while later and I worked out and fell asleep on the couch. I guess that could be considered balance.

It’s very warm in my apartment right now. The only air conditioner is in the bedroom and my boyfriend is sleeping so the door is currently closed. I’m in the living room with two fans trying to keep cool. I’m not very good in the heat because I get really bad migraines if i’m not careful, which I’m usually not. So the name of the game for the rest of the summer is to stay as cool as possible.

As usual I’m the first one up. I don’t even know when anyone else will be awake. I was thinking about going to sit outside and take in the fresh air. I did not do that though. I’m glad I didn’t because it is blazing out there. I mean, I’m not really much cooler where I am now, but still.

It’s that time of the week where I start adding random things to my birthday list. I love makeup, but that’s not all that I want, I can’t think of other things I want though. I want to get things that will better me and help me become better.

On a total other rant, I hate shopping for clothes online. For one reason being plus size it’s hard to find somewhere that sells clothes in my size in general. I can only order off torrid because that’s the only place where I’ve tried clothes on in person before. I don’t have the money for that. All I want is a pair of plain jean shorts that don’t cost an arm and a leg. I can’t order anything off amazon because I don’t know how it’ll fit and if it doesn’t not only will I feel bad about myself, but I’ll have to return them, which I’m not very good at.

Okay, it’s now Monday afternoon and I’m feeling slightly okay. I don’t really have a lot to say today so I figured I would just tack some Monday rambles on the tail end of my Sunday rambles post. It was 81 degrees in my living room this morning and all I had was a fan. I even worked out. It was way too hot to make regular coffee, so we ordered Panera and I got my cold brew, thankfully. I’m now feeling like more of a human, Anyway, I think I’ll do an actual post for today.

Torrid Mini-Haul

I figured I’d try something new here. So here it goes!

I am on a plus size fashion adventure. I recently came to the conclusion that I had to start buying plus size clothes, and I made peace with that. So when I had that realization, I had no idea where to start shopping for clothes. So of course I did a little googling, posted in a few facebook groups for advice, and came up with a few stores to try. The most talked about one was Torrid, so I decided I’d check them out, and I quickly came to see why they were recommended by so many people. My favorite thing is that they’re always having sales.

Now, if you have ever shopped for plus size clothing, you’ve come to realize that plus size clothing costs more. A shirt in a size medium will cost a reasonable amount, but a size XL will cost you $2-$3 more. It’s actually ridiculous, it’s also called the “fat tax”. Which is even worse. Anyway, I went to torrid, saw the prices and, being the frugal person I was raised to be, thought no way. Until, I saw their sales. My, what a beautiful world it turned into.

This last paycheck I picked up a few pieces, the sale was an extra 50% off clearance, so of course I had to take advantage. So here’s what I got:

First off, I’ve totally been into floral prints and comfy clothes. So I got a pair of pants, they’re the: Paisley Floral Ponte Slim Fix,

I haven’t tried these on yet, but I’ll keep you posted. I just thought they were super cute and they’re cropped which is perfect for me, because I’m pretty short. I’m excited to wear them!

This is a skirt that I got. It’s kind of like a body con skirt, it folds over on top and it’s nice and the material is nice and thick. I put it on pretty much as soon as I got the package. It’s the perfect length and has a super fun and bright geometric pattern.

The other two things I got were a belt and sunglasses. I needed a belt because I don’t own one, and I just love sunglasses.

I can’t wait to wear the sunglasses (even though my boyfriend hates them!) and I love the belt I just think it’s adorable and it’s the right size.

So yeah, that’s my little mini haul! I’ll keep you posted on how the pants fit and how all the other stuff wears!

This is ridiculous

I’ve been on two specific medications for about 6 and a half years, because of these medications I have gained a significant amount of weight. With that came a slew more mental issues, body image, and such. So I’ve just found out that I probably need to start wearing plus size clothing, I’ve come to peace with that. The thing that I can’t come the peace with is how the clothing we have available to us is not even close to the same as what “normal size” people have. I’m 4’11” and 220. I used to be so tiny before this medication. So coming to terms with the fact that this was a side effect that I have to deal with because I NEED this medication (latuda). I tried coming off of it last year and I spiraled. So we decided to reduce my dosage by half. This did not help. Anyway, back to my clothing rant. I can’t go shopping because when that happens I’ll see such cute things and try all of them one and not one thing will fit me. Do you know how discouraging that is? I know some of you do. It’s disheartening. Not only can I not wear the clothes I like anymore, but my options have become severely limited. So not only am I wearing plus size, but I need petite, this is not really a thing. The bigger the size the taller/longer the clothes get. I feel like this is so unfair. I love fashion and have a closet full of clothes that don’t fit me and may not ever again. It makes me sad, for anyone in a situation like mine.

The fashion industry is broken, what they think is “plus size” isn’t. I never got angry about this until now, because I was living in a fantasy world, a world where I would someday fit into the clothes I want to or even today I could go out and buy something I really, really want. Well, that’s fantasy and I feel like I was just slapped by reality.