Lifestyle!

So, I have some changes coming to the site soon, nothing too drastic don’t worry. I am going to be adding more lifestyle content to my page. I’m trying to create a separate page so it’s easier to find. Unfortunately I’m technologically challenged. I hope you don’t mind having some lifestyle posts sprinkled in with my usual content.

What is going to be included in my lifestyle section? Well at first it’ll just be little bits. About books I’m reading, podcasts I love, maybe some fashion, and beauty. I honestly don’t know yet. I’m just dipping my toes in! I hope you enjoy it!

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Sundays are for New Things

I got my new Amazon Kindle Fire 8 in the mail yesterday! It made a bit of a bad day better. It gave me a distraction from an issue that had upset me greatly. Anyway so far it’s great. I had a 6 year old Ipad mini, and it stopped letting me update apps, so I decided it was time to move on to something a little more up to date. The fire 8 was only $80, which really isn’t bad for what you get. I also did monthly payments of $16, the only issue I ran into was that, there are ads, and the only way to get rid of those ads is to pay an extra $15, which I think is ridiculous. I mean for $80, I’ll take it.

I was going back and fourth with weather or not I wanted to actually get it. I’m a very frugal person, and spending money is not my favorite thing to do. I mean, yeah, I like having new things, but I always have buyers remorse. No matter what. To the point where I won’t buy things I need or I’ll just put it off until after I actually needed to buy it. For example, I wear contacts, and I felt bad asking for someone to buy them for me because I felt they were too expensive. So, I wore the free pair that I got from the eye doctor to death. My boyfriend made me wear my glasses and throw out the contacts until we could afford to buy the six month supply. I hate wearing my glasses, so it was not an enjoyable 3 weeks.

Anyway, after going back and fourth for a few days, I finally decided to just buy the new tablet, and I’m glad I did. I get all my apps, including wordpress, I get kindle, and audible. All things amazon. Also, my boyfriend added me to his prime so I get all the perks of that. Which also means I get to listen to all the audible books he has, and he has a lot. Right now I’m listening to Star Trek: Discovery. I also got a few new books, for free, the on I’m reading now it called Salt & Stone. Which is about mermaids and I have a fascination with mermaids.

Needless to say, I’m very happy with my purchase, well so far, so good. I’ve only had it for a day and I feel like it’s already paid for itself. I was super anxious earlier, so I put on my favorite music and read my book, and it was all in one place. I didn’t have to worry about having a million and one things surrounding me and getting caught up in cords and such, it was really nice and convenient. If it can help me beat anxiety like this on a regular basis, I’ll be very happy. So, I’ll see how it goes from here!

Torrid Mini-Haul

I figured I’d try something new here. So here it goes!

I am on a plus size fashion adventure. I recently came to the conclusion that I had to start buying plus size clothes, and I made peace with that. So when I had that realization, I had no idea where to start shopping for clothes. So of course I did a little googling, posted in a few facebook groups for advice, and came up with a few stores to try. The most talked about one was Torrid, so I decided I’d check them out, and I quickly came to see why they were recommended by so many people. My favorite thing is that they’re always having sales.

Now, if you have ever shopped for plus size clothing, you’ve come to realize that plus size clothing costs more. A shirt in a size medium will cost a reasonable amount, but a size XL will cost you $2-$3 more. It’s actually ridiculous, it’s also called the “fat tax”. Which is even worse. Anyway, I went to torrid, saw the prices and, being the frugal person I was raised to be, thought no way. Until, I saw their sales. My, what a beautiful world it turned into.

This last paycheck I picked up a few pieces, the sale was an extra 50% off clearance, so of course I had to take advantage. So here’s what I got:

First off, I’ve totally been into floral prints and comfy clothes. So I got a pair of pants, they’re the: Paisley Floral Ponte Slim Fix,

I haven’t tried these on yet, but I’ll keep you posted. I just thought they were super cute and they’re cropped which is perfect for me, because I’m pretty short. I’m excited to wear them!

This is a skirt that I got. It’s kind of like a body con skirt, it folds over on top and it’s nice and the material is nice and thick. I put it on pretty much as soon as I got the package. It’s the perfect length and has a super fun and bright geometric pattern.

The other two things I got were a belt and sunglasses. I needed a belt because I don’t own one, and I just love sunglasses.

I can’t wait to wear the sunglasses (even though my boyfriend hates them!) and I love the belt I just think it’s adorable and it’s the right size.

So yeah, that’s my little mini haul! I’ll keep you posted on how the pants fit and how all the other stuff wears!

The East End in July

I don’t spend a lot of time all the way out on the east end of Long Island (i live closer to the middle) especially in the summer. Today was one of the days though, that I decided to venture out the the lavender fields in East Marion. My, my, what an experience. It was just a perfect morning.

I packed up my boyfriend and the car, as if we were going on a road trip, and off we went. My parents were going to meet us out there. (I’m also one of those people who likes to be over prepared). Anyway, we ventured out and drove, and drove. We stopped for coffee at one of my favorite shops, which was packed, which I thought was just giving me an idea of how the day was going to go, but boy was I wrong.

We made great time out to East Marion and there was practically no one at the lavender fields. It was the perfect morning. The sun was shining it wasn’t too hot, it was just right. So we paid the fee to get in (yes, there’s a $9 fee to get into a lavender field, but trust me it’s worth it). Then we started meandering our way around the fields, there’s probably about 4-5 acres of lavender, it wasn’t fully bloomed, but it was still beautiful and if you like the smell of lavender, this is your type of place. There’s English and French lavender and it’s just a sea of beautiful flowers. And of course, purple is my favorite color sooooo, I was obsessed.

I always see people taking the cutest pictures in this field and they always look so amazing. So, of course, I made my boyfriend take a million and one pictures. And it was just the best day.

Let me just add some stuff about my mental state. This was a day that I needed. We left at 8:15 and we were back by 1:15, there was barely any anxiety, and it was just perfect. I knew what to do to minimize my anxiety, but still be able to go and do something I really wanted to do. So, I made the plans and just did it. My strength outweighed the panic today.

Another thing (I know this post is like a million years long) is that I wore shorts and a crop for the first time since I put on the medication weight. I’m not the biggest fan of my body, but I’ve been reading a lot about body positively lately. So I decided, eff it, and I wore the cute outfit. I cringed at the pictures a little bit, but the memories that were made today is why really matters, so I posted the pictures.

That’s my story for the day, it was a beautiful Sunday, in my beautiful life, and I’m the luckiest girl in the world. So, is it worth it, you ask? Going to the east end in the summer? Yes. But be sure to plan it properly, trust me.

Plan your escape

It’s a slow day at work today. I’m by myself, doing nothing, so I figured I’d write a post. It’s been awhile. Basically, I’ve been feeling good. Well more like neural, no waiting for the other shoe to drop kind of good, but just chilling good. It’s amazing. I haven’t felt like this in forever.

Anyway, I switched from adderall to vyvanse, so far so good. By that I mean I just switched yesterday morning and nothing bad has happened yet. Sooo yeah, I’m pretty happy about it.

I’m working today, I’m very proud of myself, I’ve only taken one day off in the last four weeks and I didn’t leave early any days. Like, who am I? The queen of “not feeling well” to the point where I would keep myself from doing things, even working. I’m in a much better head space from a year ago. Why, I don’t know. I keep writing in my journal, that something isn’t clicking, but that’s the thing, I think things are clicking. Finally. So no symptoms are the best symptoms, right?

I guess to answer my own question, it’s a thin line. Sometimes you’ll get too comfortable with no symptoms and neglect yourself, sometimes you’ll focus on it too much and you won’t let yourself feel, what I would call, neutral. So I guess I’ve found the balance. I’m taking care of myself, the best I can, but, also doing the best I can, I’m aware. Aware of triggers, situations, my own anxiety. Mostly triggers. I’m thinking about it now. Like, if this situation is going to make me anxious, than I’ll handle it this way. Instead of blindly going in and hoping it’ll work out, that’s not how my brain works. I need to be prepared, always have an escape plan. Even if it’s just me telling someone that I “don’t feel well”, that’s my default. No matter what I do or where I go, I think I’ll always be the queen of “I don’t feel well”. It’s my roots. I used to have trouble describing what I felt, so I would just say that I didn’t feel well, because that’s all I knew. I knew I didn’t feel well, I couldn’t explain why or anything past that, that was my baseline. For a long time. How and why that changed was a force of nature and it just so happened that, that force was me. I thought it was meds or biology, but it was me.

I am the force of nature behind this change.

Everyday

I’m going to try and post a little something everyday. Just to kind of get my feet wet with this whole blogging thing. I’m new to it, I just wanted somewhere I could write, publicly. I’ve always had a knack for writing, so I figured I’d give this a try. So I don’t know what y posts will be, but I’ll figure it out along the way.