Saturdays are Boring (sometimes)

To say the least, today was boring. Nothing eventful happened, I pretty much sat around all day and did nothing. I mean, that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s kind of odd for me. I wasn’t feeling well again, physically, my migraine has returned, no matter how much I drink I feel dehydrated, my head feels all fuzzy and cloudy. So, today was a good day to have nothing to do.

I did get my paycheck today though, I got paid on Thursday, my mom picked up my check yesterday, and I cashed it today. I should be happy, but I’m really not. I’m in a spending mood, and when I spend, I spend a lot. That’s me being slightly manic. My bipolar mind is telling me to spend allll the money, on alllll the things. What things? I have no idea, whatever it is, just buy it. I wish I wasn’t like that. One time when I was manic, I skipped class, went to the mall, and maxed out my credit card. Did I care? Not one bit. I wanted it, so I got it, that simple.

So, back to my boring day, it should have been relaxing. Like, nothing to do? Let me chill out. I am not good at relaxing. I’m in like this constant state of anxiety, on some level. no matter what, I’m anxious. This morning I was actually relaxed though, which is surprising because I get severe anxiety in the morning. Especially when I wake up too early, which was the case this morning. I’ve been up since 6. Luckily my dad got up at 7, so I was able to sit outside with him and read for a little while. It was beautiful out, I read some philosophy and we chatted, it was one of the nicest mornings I’ve had in a few weeks. Once it hit like 9:30 though, anxiety central. It was most likely do to that it was going to be super hot today, and as I’ve learned, I do not have a tolerance for the heat. There were errands I had to run, but I was afraid to go out and do them. I ended up going to the office with my mom,  my migraine got worse, as well as my anxiety. I finally was able to run my errands and by time I got back, my migraine was in full force, I couldn’t function, I wanted to cry.

I’ve been having a lot of physical ailments lately, not so much bipolar symptoms. Honestly, I’ll take it. Yeah, physical pain can get so intense, but people will sympathize. People won’t always understand or know exactly what to do when I bring up my bipolar symptoms as a reason for “not feeling well”, which is why I never say that’s why I’m not going somewhere or staying somewhere. It’s not easy carrying a single burden, mental or physical symptoms, but when you carry both, sometimes it’s too much. But, I’ll do what I always do, keep going.

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Sundays are for New Things

I got my new Amazon Kindle Fire 8 in the mail yesterday! It made a bit of a bad day better. It gave me a distraction from an issue that had upset me greatly. Anyway so far it’s great. I had a 6 year old Ipad mini, and it stopped letting me update apps, so I decided it was time to move on to something a little more up to date. The fire 8 was only $80, which really isn’t bad for what you get. I also did monthly payments of $16, the only issue I ran into was that, there are ads, and the only way to get rid of those ads is to pay an extra $15, which I think is ridiculous. I mean for $80, I’ll take it.

I was going back and fourth with weather or not I wanted to actually get it. I’m a very frugal person, and spending money is not my favorite thing to do. I mean, yeah, I like having new things, but I always have buyers remorse. No matter what. To the point where I won’t buy things I need or I’ll just put it off until after I actually needed to buy it. For example, I wear contacts, and I felt bad asking for someone to buy them for me because I felt they were too expensive. So, I wore the free pair that I got from the eye doctor to death. My boyfriend made me wear my glasses and throw out the contacts until we could afford to buy the six month supply. I hate wearing my glasses, so it was not an enjoyable 3 weeks.

Anyway, after going back and fourth for a few days, I finally decided to just buy the new tablet, and I’m glad I did. I get all my apps, including wordpress, I get kindle, and audible. All things amazon. Also, my boyfriend added me to his prime so I get all the perks of that. Which also means I get to listen to all the audible books he has, and he has a lot. Right now I’m listening to Star Trek: Discovery. I also got a few new books, for free, the on I’m reading now it called Salt & Stone. Which is about mermaids and I have a fascination with mermaids.

Needless to say, I’m very happy with my purchase, well so far, so good. I’ve only had it for a day and I feel like it’s already paid for itself. I was super anxious earlier, so I put on my favorite music and read my book, and it was all in one place. I didn’t have to worry about having a million and one things surrounding me and getting caught up in cords and such, it was really nice and convenient. If it can help me beat anxiety like this on a regular basis, I’ll be very happy. So, I’ll see how it goes from here!

Easy Breezy Lemon Squeezee

“Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort”. –Franklin D. Roosevelt 

Today is the 4th of July, in case you hadn’t noticed by all the instagram posts and tweets about beer and the beach.

I’m trying to keep the day easy breezy, no plans, no obligations, just hang out in the air conditioning and focus on some blogging. The issue is, that my Ipad won’t update certain applications anymore and it won’t download others, which means I needed a new way of streaming things and other random things I do on my tablet. Which brings me to the money. Now, I’m pretty good at saving, but I also fall into the trap where I think I need things I don’t actually need or spend money on things I could easily do myself. I also get paid biweekly for an internship, which pays $15 an hour, for that I am very lucky. I’m also lucky because my resume looks pretty darn good, not to sound full of myself. I work hard at what I do, and I’ve decided my new venture is blogging.

I’ve always loved to write, mostly writing in my journal, some poems here and there and maybe a short story or two. I’ve also always wanted to share my story, of a very boring life. Until the bipolar roller coaster started. Now, I don’t plan on making money blogging, it’s more of a hobby, a way to get my creative energy out, kind of do what I’ve always wanted to, and share my story. I’m not that experienced though, so I’m trying to learn. I don’t exactly have a niche, like all the sites tell you to have, I just write. I want to find a niche though, lifestyle, beauty, mental health, I want to dabble in it all. Which requires money. I need a web hosting site-money, I need to buy enough things to share what I think of them-money, and I need to pay my bills-also, money. Now my man makes enough money to support us, but relying on someone else always leaves a bad taste in my mouth, I feel guilty very easily, and I try not to spend his money. But, you need to spend money to make money? Maybe.

I’ll have to get creative and work with what I have, which really, when i look at all the things I own, is a bunch of random nonsense. I can work with random nonsense though. Someway somehow. I need to make goals, in order to achieve something, and to do that, I have to get creative. Try new things. The issue is, I’m bad at holding myself accountable for things. Like today, I try to keep things easy breezy, but, that’s not always how life works. I have goals, I want to go to law school, I want to get a good job, I want a house, and to get married. That all starts with holding myself accountable. Not living an easy breezy type of life, well living that way everyday, some days you need it, some days, easy breezy will get you no where.

But for today, its easy breezy. 

Enjoy your 4th!