It’s Okay to Feel Okay

So, it’s Saturday afternoon. I’m roasting coffee for an order, it’s very warm and muggy on Long Island, and the apartment is even hotter. I was in distress because when it gets hot I’m more prone to migraines, and just like everyone else feels, I get very uncomfortable in general. Well, I found a fan on the top shelf of our bathroom cabinets, my boyfriend got it down. I went out to drop off a delivery and as I was driving back I felt that tinge of pain that is the beginning of a migraine. When I got home, he had set up the fan in the kitchen and I remembered that I had a nice cold celsius energy drink in the fridge. So, I’m standing here, drinking my cold drink, with the fan aimed at my back and youtube videos on, and writing. I am a happy camper. I don’t know that last time I said that. I used to say it a lot for small things, like, if I got ice cream on a random day, I would be a happy camper. Anyway, I’m comfortable and I’m okay. I am okay. I’m not saying I’m fantastic or anything, I’m just okay or neutral. I don’t know how long this will last so I’m going to take advantage of it.

I always have a post planned or have a seed of an idea planted in my head, but right this second I don’t. I’m just going to free write a little bit. Like I said, I’m roasting right now. The beans smell amazing and look even better. I’m happy with my work. There’s another bean I’m having a bit of trouble with, but I have confidence I will figure it out. I’m part of this blogger group on facebook and I keep seeing people posting this or that about their blog. My post about comparison is live by now, so you may know that I’m having some issues with comparing myself to others right now. Also, I’m what I like to call a “lurker” on Facebook. I don’t post too often, I don’t comment or like, I just fly under the radar. To the point where people rarely say happy birthday to me on my birthday. So, here I am seeing all these veteran and emerging bloggers come together and what am I doing? Comparing myself. This person writes 1000 word posts, on that same post I was following about word counts someone wrote “20 percent more than your competition”. I was a bit taken aback. Are we in this group to compete with each other or help each other? Who am I competing against? The only person I can think of is myself. I mean, of course there’s other blogs that are advertising and getting monetized, but I’m not there yet. At this point in my blogging career the only person I’m trying to be better than, is myself.

I have to learn to set reasonable goals for myself. Maybe one post I had during the week reached 1000 words or so. Maybe the next week I’ll aim for two posts with that many words. I mean maybe pretty loosely. I know what I’m capable of and I know what a reasonable goal for myself is. Other people set their goals based on their lives. What their everyday life is like. For example, I love blogging, but I have other priorities. I have a small business to run, I have things to do for school, and most importantly my biggest priority is my mental health. Besides my relationships with people and my animals, my mental health needs to take priority. I don’t know what these other bloggers are going through, I don’t know what they do besides blogging. Just like social media, you only see what they want you to see. I feel like I’m pretty open about my mental health and how it affects me. I don’t go much further than that though, which is why I want to add in some lifestyle here and there. I want to show you more than just mental health, because while it may be my priority, it’s not all that I am. Most of my weekly posts are pre-written, because when I do feel okay or have a spark of inspiration during my down time I want to take advantage of it. Which is why my weekend posts are written day of, I want you to see what I did this week and read my rambles about what I want to get done. Anyway, I’m going to go take advantage of feeling okay and just lounge around the apartment.

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Naps and Tacos

Good morning! I’m writing this on Thursday morning, and I’m feeling pretty good. I kind of had an epiphany this morning.

Somedays you need to get up and do all the things and somedays you need to go back to sleep on the couch. It’s called balance.

I haven’t had a lot of balance in my life lately and I think that’s why I’ve been so anxious and stressed, pushing myself past my limits. I’ve had no balance. I feel like my life hasn’t been filled with a lot of balance, especially lately. I feel like I don’t even know what balance is anymore. I think part of it is being bipolar, not all of it, just partly. A lot of times my bipolar manifests itself as having more extremes. Like if I feel something, I’ll feel it deeply and react with those amplified feelings in mind. I don’t think about it though. I just do it. My emotions get amplified a lot, more often than I would like to admit. That’s the nature of the beast though I suppose. This prevents me from being able to find balance. Which I need.

A lot of the time I just want to do what I want to do, but because I have no balance I feel bad about indulging in certain things. Like tacos and naps. I’ll think about these things, then I’ll tell myself that I shouldn’t take a nap because I’ll feel bad afterwards. I’ll think about getting tacos, but I say to myself what if you get glutened? I need to find a balance, tell myself it’s okay to take a nap today but don’t do it every day and the same goes for the tacos. These are not everyday things. So another day I may not nap and I’ll have a salad instead of tacos. Now, that’s balance. Do I do these things? Not yet. Is it something I can work on? Of course.

So today is a nap and taco day, my boyfriend promised me that we could get tacos today and I already fell back asleep on my couch this morning. Do I feel bad about it? Nope. Would I usually? Yes. So, the moral of the story is, have the tacos and take the nap. Find your balance.

Lifestyle!

So, I have some changes coming to the site soon, nothing too drastic don’t worry. I am going to be adding more lifestyle content to my page. I’m trying to create a separate page so it’s easier to find. Unfortunately I’m technologically challenged. I hope you don’t mind having some lifestyle posts sprinkled in with my usual content.

What is going to be included in my lifestyle section? Well at first it’ll just be little bits. About books I’m reading, podcasts I love, maybe some fashion, and beauty. I honestly don’t know yet. I’m just dipping my toes in! I hope you enjoy it!