I’m sorry about the unexpected hiatus. I’ve been mourning pretty hard the past week or so. I’m writing this at 6:20 in the morning. For some reason i felt like writing so I wanted to take advantage of it.
What’s been happening is that I’ve been consumed with anxiety. Like when I wake up, on a scale of 1-10, my anxiety is usually about a 7. It doesn’t really let up during the day either. So, basically to combat the anxiety I have to try and revamp my morning routine. Which I don’t want to do, but I need to. My mental health is the most important thing. If that means I need to change a few things then by all means I will. I’m cutting back from working out 6 days to 4 or 5. I’m just kind of changing random things to see if it’ll make things better. I’m not really sure what else to do. Today, i decided to have a snack when I woke up, with my water. We’ll see.
Another thing I’m doing is trying to change my mindset. I try to think, okay I feel bad, what do I need to do feel better? It’s more of an active way of approaching my anxiety rather than passive. Right now the answer is usually anti-anxiety medication and time. I’m so consumed with sadness that my body doesn’t know what to do and my anxiety kicks in. The only thing that heals a loss though is time. So, I try and find a distraction and relax.
Another way I’m trying to do is complain less. I’m constantly complaining about how bad I feel, like every hour. How is that being productive? If I just lay around and just keep thinking that I don’t feel well, I’ll get lost in my own head. That is not helpful at all and it’s very annoying. I’m not very good a looking at the big picture when I don’t feel well. Which is also not helpful. Since I’ve been trying to change my mindset things are kind of getting better. I feel better this morning so far, I mean, I’ve only been awake for 38 minutes, but usually by this point my anxiety would be a 7 and I’d be curled up on the couch under a blanket trying to control my breathing.
I’m going to make a to-do list today with like two things. I don’t want to overwhelm myself because that will trigger my anxiety. Let’s be real though, almost anything can trigger my anxiety. It’s more about how I handle it now. It’s about how much effort I put in even though I don’t feel well. It’s about trying and that has to be enough.
A Delicate Odyssey 