Sunday Rambles Pt 4

It’s 7:42 in the morning and I’ve already worked out. Now I’m trying to decide if I want coffee or not. I mean of course I want coffee, but the question is, do I feel like making it myself? I need to go to CVS in a little while to get cat food and I could get coffee there. I don’t know. I’ll probably make it myself. I’m kind of sleepy I’m trying to stay awake though, which means i should probably make coffee. I’m just lazy. I’m also hungry, but I don’t feel like going downstairs to make what I want. I just realized that I can’t go to CVS until my boyfriend wakes up in case he needs anything. He is not a morning person, especially if he’s woken up and doesn’t wake up naturally. So, I guess I’m making myself coffee.

I feel like I’m exhausted, i’m not really sure why. I’ve been sleeping fine and waking up pretty consistently, maybe my body and mind are just tired and I have to accept that. I was so bored last night. Nothing was interesting, nothing was sparking anything inside of me. I hate being bored, but I’m also pretty lazy. I’ve been cleaning more though which helps make me feel better because the apartment isn’t a mess and stressing me out. Except my desk is a hot spot for junk. It’s got piles of books and journals and tons of pens. It’s like every time I clean it the next day it’s a mess because I’ll go looking for a book or I’ll actually be doing work and everything that I’m using will spread outwards. Then I’ll forget to put things back where they go. I have a post on how I attempt to keep things organized going up eventually.

Last Sunday I went to some protests with my mom, this week I have no idea what I’m doing. Maybe I’ll see what she’s doing, maybe I’ll just do some random things. Who knows. It’s 8:09 in the morning, no one is awake, I have no business attempting to plan my day right now. Also, I shouldn’t be doing that because I don’t know how anxious I’ll get through out the day. I don’t know what I’ll mentally be able to handle today. I don’t want to go out even though the state is basically open, because the virus isn’t gone. People stopped getting tested. In the states that have been opened the COVID cases have increased. Just because we’ve met the quota to get to phase 2, I have a feeling this isn’t over. I think a lot of people know this isn’t over. It’ll be what it’ll be though.

Now for something a little bit more trivial. Something that makes me feel better, for some reason, is to go on Sephora or Ulta and just scroll through the makeup. I’ll probably never buy most of it, but somehow it calms me down. I don’t always look for something in particular, but it helps. I love makeup. I haven’t been wearing it because of quarantine, and it makes me sad. I know I could just do it for the fun of it, which I should actually do. It’s something to do when I’m bored. Just put on a full face for no reason, sounds good to me. Anyway, since I’ve been working on my birthday list I’ve been going on each site almost everyday looking for things I may want. There are things I still really want to add to my collection, but I don’t really have an abundance of money. I’d rather save and splurge. Like save so much where I don’t mind buying enough things to reach free shipping and not freak out about it. I’m on my way there, but I’m not there yet. Hopefully soon though, but maybe not. We’ll see.

Anyway, hopefully you have a great Sunday filled with rest and productivity.

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Sunday Rambles Pt 3

I’m going to try and keep this a bit more easy breezy, but I can’t make any promises. So, the first thing I woke up to was a half eaten, what I think was a bat, outside my bedroom door. We leave my cat outside in the living room and kitchen at night, sometimes he catches bats. All our windows are closed though, so i’m not entirely sure where he got the bat from, and that also begs the question, do cats eat bats? Anyway, we may have to get him his rabies shot, because I’m not sure if he has it or not. Hopefully he does, but I won’t know until my boyfriend wakes up.

I already drank my coffee and had a small snack, so today I’m not going to try and force myself to relax, but I still need time to process and grieve. I’m not sure how other people are feeling and no one is really asking me. I’m okay with that though. I don’t want people swarming me, the people that matter know how I’m feeling. Yesterday morning I was exhausted, mostly emotionally and mentally, but I felt it in my body too. I just wanted to sleep, which I did. I must have taken like 3 naps yesterday. I know I’ll be okay though.

There’s so may things I want to do, but I know the best thing for me to do is to rest. Sit with my feelings and let myself feel them, try and not distract myself too much. I haven’t been listening to any podcasts really, which makes me kind of sad. I love podcasts. I just feel like the TV is my comfort zone and like most people I don’t like to leave my comfort zone. Sometimes I feel like podcasts are out of my comfort zone, so I just don’t feel like podcasts are in that comfort zone. One of my posts this week is most likely going to be about circle of control and circle of concern. I’m not sure what day that’s going to go up, but I’m looking forward to that post. So look for that.

It’s starting to get really warm in New York, which means that the air conditioner in. I’m not crazy about that. When I was living in mt old room I wasn’t allowed to have one in my room, because it would have been on the same circuit as my parents and it would blow the fuse. So, I’m used to living in the heat, and I actually like it. Having all the windows open and having fans, it’s how I’m most comfortable in the summer. Now though, we have the animals and we need to have the air conditioner for them.

I’m anxious, but I think it’s because I’m hungry, so I should probably eat. We usually order breakfast, but I don’t know when he’ll be awake. He’s found a new hobby and he’s very excited and I’m excited for him. It makes me feel like I should find one, but then I realized, writing is my hobby. Right now this blog is my hobby. I don’t want to think of it as a hobby, but it’s not a job yet. I want it to be. Not like a full full time job, but just a full time job. Because I know that’s what I want to do, but I can’t put that time in right now. I own my own business, and that’s my true full time job. I wake up early to write these posts or I write them in bulk. There’s so many things I want to do with writing, but I can’t do that right this second. Maybe in a few weeks, but right now, writing is a hobby. I write all day. I have a jotterpad page open all day on here and I have so many journals filled with ideas. It’s just not the time, but I feel like at some point it will be. I’m pretty confident in that.

Since this is my Sunday Rambles post, I may just keep writing. I’ve decided that I’m going to start writing an intention for the week and making two goals for the week and choosing a word for the week and just keep that in mind. I’m not sure what this weeks word will be. I’m thinking maybe strength or rest or heal. My intention maybe something like, feel your feelings, sit with them and that it’s okay to be sad. I don’t really know. I’ll figure it out. I don’t usually do it until Sunday night.

My mom just made a smoothie and it was really good, so that might fill me up a little bit. I’m pretty awake now. For some reason coffee makes me more awake than any other type of energy drink. I actually feel pretty okay right now. I think I’ll go bask in it. Happy Sunday! I hope this wasn’t too much of a ramble fest.