You know how some days don’t feel right? Like a it feels like it should be the end of the week, but it’s actually a Tuesday? That’s how I feel today. Since tomorrow is the 4th of July, we have off, and somehow we managed to get off Friday too. So, this Wednesday is kind of like a Friday. We get to wear jeans and maybe leave early, holidays in the middle of the week are pretty awesome.
I’m coming in on Friday though, I have to make up hours because I took off last Thursday because I was switching medications. And I left early the last two days because of migraines and mania. Sooo I lost hours, which is not awesome. I guess coming in Friday won’t be the worst thing ever, no one will be here, it’ll be super chill. Easy breezy. We listen to the radio all day no breaks. It’s not like it’s Spotify or anything either, it’s the actual radio, commercials and all. Sounds fun, right?
I’m working on grant letters of support today. Surprisingly it’s not too bad, but around 1, just like everyday around 1, I’m anxious. Just slightly though. So it’s not terrible, just uncomfortable. It makes it difficult to get work done. I’m focusing on the anxiety too much and not work.
The morning went pretty quickly, lunch came and went, I have to drop my timesheet off for this pay period, which makes me very anxious. They’re always saying that it would “be great” if I could drop it off early, but I can’t. They don’t understand, it takes me all day to work up enough strength and courage to go and do it. I can’t bring it early. I feel like a lot of people don’t understand. Anxiety has become so normalized that not everyone can understand when you say “no, I’m really anxious”. They’re perception of anxiety is personalized. Whether they have it or they listen to the stigma, I feel like people don’t understand, well some people.
I don’t talk openly about my anxiety or bipolar. I don’t want people to make up perceptions about me because of a biological disorder. Like, I can’t just not be bipolar. It’s literally in my genes. Like, thank you for your suggestions, but it is part of me. It makes it hard for me to accept that I’m more than just bipolar, when people perceive me only that one way. That’s why I don’t talk openly about it. I want people to know me, as me. With no preconceived notions.
Anywayyyyy. Work, I’m back at it. Trying not to be anxious, because, it’s Friday, right?
or shall I say Fri-yay…