Sunday Rambles Pt. 2

I’m a little late this morning. This morning was very eventful. I slept in, in the bed, then I moved on to the couch, and fell asleep, then I woke up, made coffee, killed a spider and then went and ate some pancakes. That’s my morning so far. I’m going to write this, watch some beauty videos, then probably put on Penny Dreadful while I roast some coffee. This may go up later than usual because I feel like I don’t have a lot to ramble about right now.

I’m so sleepy right now and it’s making me very anxious. I really want to go back to sleep. I actually could fall asleep right now. I’m cozy and I should probably get uncozy and do things, but I probably won’t. At least not until my boyfriend weighs out the beans to be roasted. I’m thinking about all these things I should do, but there is no should, either I do it or I don’t. I had coffee, I took all my meds (including my stimulants), and I still feel like I’m in a brain fog. I feel a migraine coming on and I feel like crying. Also, it’s that time of the month, so that could really be what’s getting to me. I feel bad, but I also don’t.

Okay, it’s been real rambly. I’m now roasting and I feel a little bit better. Let’s take advantage of that. I spent most of my day so far making my birthday wish list and some other lists. I use Shoptagr (not sponsored at all). I really like the app, especially the plugin on chrome. For a while I stopped using it because I wasn’t interested in buying things. Now though, I want all the things. I can’t buy them though, but I can look and it makes me feel better to make the list because it gives me the illusion that I might get it one day. Anyway, my birthday list, there’s nothing exceptional on it, but it gives me something to look forward to. Mostly because my birthday probably won’t be celebrated the way that I’m used to. I love my birthday like I love it, but this year is different. I don’t know how you’re supposed to plan a birthday in quarantine. I’ll have to figure it out. I only have a few friends, so it wouldn’t be anything big. Still, I want to have a semi-okay birthday which I’m sure I will.

I really don’t have anything interesting to say today. I think it’ll be a kind of lazy day. Anyway, here’s your fill of weekly rambles!

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Weekly Wrap-Up

It’s that time of the week. First things first, I think you should you that my dog is very happy right now. I just let her out of the room, I keep her in there while I work out in the morning. Anyway, she’s happy to be awake. Me? Not so much. I worked out and made coffee and now I’m here. So, how was my week? It was interesting. I had a kind of breakdown yesterday morning. I didn’t want my boyfriend to know I was crying, so I ran into the bathroom and started hysterically crying. I’m not going to get into the circumstances why that happened, but it did. It really exhausted me. So I had a mini self-care day. I showered and did my nails, and just let myself relax a little bit. That’s my version of self-care.

Anyway, the rest of the week, I didn’t cry besides yesterday, which in my book is a win. We only got one big order from our sale, which was kind of disappointing. I have to roast that today. I did not write my business plan like I had planned on doing. I also didn’t finish writing my work blog. I almost had a manic episode Tuesday morning. I also did tons of work yesterday after I cried it out. It’s funny how during the week I’ll think to myself, I need to write this in Saturday’s blog post, but when I sit here I can’t remember.

I think I’ll list somethings that I’ve been loving this week:

• I’ve been loving drinking our Ethiopian coffee. It’s always been my favorite, but I’ve been more mindful and actually being tasting the coffee. If that makes sense to anyone. I also love adding Ethiopian espresso into my regular coffee, with a splash of Silk Almond milk creamer (caramel). It’s just a perfect way to start my morning. If you want me to go more indepth about coffee and the different types we like, just let me know!
• Vans Gluten Free pancakes! They are an acquired taste, but they’re a good option if I want something quick that I know I’ll enjoy. They’re microwavable, so if you’re not crazy about microwaveable pancakes, then maybe skip these. I’m gluten free for health reasons.
• Talking to my animals as if they were people. I mean, I’ve loved doing for as long as I’ve had them. I have one cat named Bruce (after Bruce Wayne) and a dog named Roxy, but we call her a million different names, the most popular one is Peapie. As my boyfriend says “we only use her given name when she has done something that she shouldn’t have”. Which is very rare. Unless our neighbors dogs are outside, then it’s pretty normal. She doesn’t get along with other dogs. Anyway, I constantly love talking to them like they’re people. Oh! Also, they’re my boyfriends animals, we brought them up here two years ago from North Carolina. They quickly stole my heart and I adopted them as my own.
• Podcasts! I’ve been vibing podcasts for a few weeks now. I went through a phase where all I listened to was podcasts, then I stopped. Now I’m back. My favorites right now are: Start Inspired, I Weigh, Approachable, and very specific episodes of The Joe Rogan Experience. Now you may be asking yourself, how in the world do I listen to that many podcasts in one week? And my answer is, I am constantly listening to them. I listen to them while I workout, while I work, while I write, while I roast, and when I’m driving.
• Finally, Penny Dreadful. I just started it this week and I’m only 3 episodes in, but it is so good. Very intense and not for the faint of heart, but it’s really good and I highly recommend. I have to be in a specific mood to watch it though. If I’m anxious, I can’t do it.

Anyway, that’s just kind of a wrap up, I’m not sure if I’ll do this format every week I’m still trying to figure out this type of post. Have a great Saturday! I’ll see you tomorrow for another post of Sunday Rambles!

Naps and Tacos

Good morning! I’m writing this on Thursday morning, and I’m feeling pretty good. I kind of had an epiphany this morning.

Somedays you need to get up and do all the things and somedays you need to go back to sleep on the couch. It’s called balance.

I haven’t had a lot of balance in my life lately and I think that’s why I’ve been so anxious and stressed, pushing myself past my limits. I’ve had no balance. I feel like my life hasn’t been filled with a lot of balance, especially lately. I feel like I don’t even know what balance is anymore. I think part of it is being bipolar, not all of it, just partly. A lot of times my bipolar manifests itself as having more extremes. Like if I feel something, I’ll feel it deeply and react with those amplified feelings in mind. I don’t think about it though. I just do it. My emotions get amplified a lot, more often than I would like to admit. That’s the nature of the beast though I suppose. This prevents me from being able to find balance. Which I need.

A lot of the time I just want to do what I want to do, but because I have no balance I feel bad about indulging in certain things. Like tacos and naps. I’ll think about these things, then I’ll tell myself that I shouldn’t take a nap because I’ll feel bad afterwards. I’ll think about getting tacos, but I say to myself what if you get glutened? I need to find a balance, tell myself it’s okay to take a nap today but don’t do it every day and the same goes for the tacos. These are not everyday things. So another day I may not nap and I’ll have a salad instead of tacos. Now, that’s balance. Do I do these things? Not yet. Is it something I can work on? Of course.

So today is a nap and taco day, my boyfriend promised me that we could get tacos today and I already fell back asleep on my couch this morning. Do I feel bad about it? Nope. Would I usually? Yes. So, the moral of the story is, have the tacos and take the nap. Find your balance.

Lifestyle!

So, I have some changes coming to the site soon, nothing too drastic don’t worry. I am going to be adding more lifestyle content to my page. I’m trying to create a separate page so it’s easier to find. Unfortunately I’m technologically challenged. I hope you don’t mind having some lifestyle posts sprinkled in with my usual content.

What is going to be included in my lifestyle section? Well at first it’ll just be little bits. About books I’m reading, podcasts I love, maybe some fashion, and beauty. I honestly don’t know yet. I’m just dipping my toes in! I hope you enjoy it!

Sunday Rambles pt 1

Good morning, this mornings post is brought to you by my couch. Sundays are my days of rest. It’s the day I give myself permission to do nothing. I say I give myself permission because I make things very difficult on myself throughout the week. So, Sundays I can basically do whatever I want, which is usually nothing. I mean if there’s something business-related that different because that takes priority. Most people take Sundays to sleep in, I don’t I wake up at the same time on Sundays as I do during the week because that’s when I get my quiet time. I believe that having a little bit of time to yourself very important, so you can refresh or reset. So here I am, comfy clothes, glasses instead of contacts, my hair is in a braid because I couldn’t be bothered. Now, I’m sitting on my couch, drinking my energy drink (too much effort to make coffee), and I feel pretty relaxed. Usually my mornings are filled with anxiety, but Sundays I can chill out.

Later today I will take some time to set some intentions for the week, to kind of set the pace for the week. I do not take Sundays to schedule my whole week out. Sundays are meant to be easy breezy. I usually convince my mom to make pancakes because they’re up there as one of my favorite foods. Usually I’ll have a mini breakfast, but not today. I want to have all the room in my stomach for the pancakes. If I’m feeling up to it I may pre-write some blog posts, by up to it I mean feeling lazy. I wrote down some things I wanted to include in this post in my blogging notebook, but it has the word rambles in the title.

Like my Saturday post this is going to be a fee write post unless I won’t have the opportunity to do it on Sunday. I’ve been thinking a lot about Salem, MA lately. I love it there and I miss it. Its made up of mostly small businesses and I’m worried they won’t be able to reopen after this is all over. Because they make Salem so special. I spent my birthday in Salem last year and it is one of my favorite birthdays I’ve had. My boyfriend and I made so many memories and I just miss it so much. We were going to try and go in September before the Halloween festivities start. We’ve done that before. We really want to go in December so we can see all the holiday decorations and just experience the town in a different way. We didn’t travel much before the pandemic, but we always made amazing memories and Salem is or favorite place. If we could on vacation to one place for the rest of our lives, I think we would choose Salem.

Sundays are starting to become my favorite days, I used to hate it because I would dread what was happening this coming week. Now, I try to think of what I have to do and just come to peace with it. We usually schedule business things for the week on Sundays and those are the only plans I’m okay with making. He’s not awake yet, so I’m not sure what’s on the agenda for the week. So for now, I’m just going to relax and watch some beauty videos. Have an easy breezy day where ever you are.

Weekly Wrap-up

Hi! This is the first day I’m writing a post that isn’t going to be a pre-written post. I’m going to try and make Saturday’s a weekly wrap-up, the keyword there is try.

Anyway, how was my week? It was okay. Which for me it a pretty good feat. My moods weren’t as erratic, I’ve also stuck to my routine for the second week in a row. I haven’t done all the things I wanted to add, like putting on makeup or drink more water. I think Thursday was the low point of the week, it was a wash. Even my boyfriend agreed, it was a wash for him as well. I also have some morning anxiety after my routine has wound down, the type of anxiety that’s like, if I get off this couch I’m going to have a panic attack. I would have something that I really wanted to do, but I would stay on the couch in my safe zone.

So yesterday was a long day. I had a lot of work to get done, but also things I wanted to accomplish on a personal level. I needed to just focus on work yesterday, I had a lot of work to do. I had to cut my personal stuff, which made me upset. It was what I had to do though. I have work that I have to do every day, but there are some days where there’s extra work, and I have to prioritize.

I really need to keep track of what I already posted through the week, so I’m not being repetitive. On my list of ideas for what to write about for my weekly wrap up, it literally says, what I did. I’m looking at it and thinking to myself, what does that even mean. I can’t even remember what day it is let alone keep track of everything I do.

Actually something I found this week that I’m thoroughly enjoying, it’s an energy drink. I hate energy drinks, they always make me feel sick because of the fake sugar. This one however, doesn’t make me sick, and it’s glorious. It’s called Celsius and honestly, it’s amazing. I’ve only tried two flavors, so I can only say that the watermelon flavor has my stamp of approval. So try it or don’t just figure I’d share. Another thing is that I’ve started reading another book called Average is the New Awesome, and so far it’s really making sense to me. I’m enjoying it so far. As I read more I’ll write something about it.

On the agenda for today is, to start working on our business plan, work on the blog post for work, and stay off my phone. It doesn’t seem like a lot, but I have no idea how to write a business plan so who knows how long it’s going to take. I have a very strong work ethic, so I’ll start and I’ll make it work.

I’m going to try and make my Saturday and Sunday posts real-time posts. So, stay tuned for tomorrow.

Coffee Chat, Kind Of

Happy Fri-yay! I’m sitting here drinking my coffee, todays drink of choice is a redeye (a regular coffee with a shot of espresso) made with my company’s coffee. The coffee is an Indonesian and the espresso is an Ethiopian. Also, in case you were wondering I do drink my coffee with creamer. I know, I own a coffee business I should be drinking my coffee black, but I just prefer it with creamer. Now that my daily coffee of choice is out of the way. I’m writing this on Tuesday morning, I told myself I wouldn’t write today, that I would give myself a break, but here I am. I told myself I have posts ready to go until Thursday, so there was no need to worry about blogging today. I just have some thoughts though, so I figured I would write them down.

As I sit here I’m very hungry, but I’m weird in the way that I don’t like to eat and drink coffee at the same time. In my newly formed morning routine though coffee comes before food. I’m not entirely sure why I did it that way. I’m not as exhausted as I felt yesterday (Monday). At least not yet. I have therapy today, I’m going to talk about my go hard or go home attitude when it comes to making routines or setting goals.

Okay, I’m back with another cup of coffee. I like to listen to podcasts in the morning, so, I like to sit at my kitchen table, drink my coffee, and do whatever I feel like I need to do. I’ve been up since 6:20 and I’ve just been feeling lazy. I just feel like there’s so much to do this morning. I have this laundry list of things I feel like I have to complete, but they should just be things I would like to complete. I don’t want to put the pressure on myself, because what I have to do really revolves around blogging. I have some projects and in regards to this blog, it will happen with time and hard work, I also need to do work in regards to my business blog. Even though that blog will only go up once a week I want to have those posts prepared about five days in advance Mostly so my boyfriend can edit it. I’ll probably just spend the day researching and planning.

I started this book yesterday called Be Mighty by Jill A. Stoddard. It has to do with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Honestly, I’m only on chapter two, but I’m so glad I found this book. You know when books have those “exercises” within these self-improvement books? Well if you’re like me you usually skip over them and just keep reading, but I’m not doing that this time. I’m actually doing the exercises and I really feel like I’m going to get a lot out of this book. I’m very excited to see where it takes me. I already have my next book I’m going to read and I’m excited about that one too. For pleasure reading, I’m reading The Iliad and The Odyessy. I love Greek mythology. Just a little fact about me.

So, if you’re looking for a coffee recommendation or a book recommendation, I highly recommend what I wrote about today. Have a great day!

A Few Early Morning Thoughts

It’s currently 7:11 am, I’ve been up since 5:45. I’m writing this on the morning of mothers day, but I’m not sure when this will go up. What’s on my mind this morning? Well, I’m trying to convince myself that it’s okay to take a day off from exercising, I’ve been doing small workouts every morning for the past week. I have the mindset right now that it takes X amount of days to create a habit. So I figured that if I worked out everyday for that amount of days, I would get into the habit. I know I can’t push myself too hard though, some days your body needs a break. I did stretch, so that’s something.

Also, I’m very excited to give my mom her gifts. I’m not going to say what they are in case I decide that I want to post this, this morning. I’m also thinking about setting some goals for this week. The only issue is that, sometimes when I set goals I put too much pressure on myself to do them. Maybe if I do set these goals it will be a good exercise for not putting this pressure on myself. Like, tell myself, it’s okay if you don’t get all of these things done this week, it’s okay. Maybe I’ll try it this week, just set some small goals, for example; exercise four times this week or post on my business social media six days this week and try and schedule those posts early. Things like that. Or my absolute least favorite thing to do, is do the dishes. I know I should probably do dishes more than once a week, but I just hate it so much. So, I’ll start with dishes once a week, including putting them away. Yeah, I’ll start with those. Just some basic things.

I’m currently listening to a podcast, as I now do every morning, I’m listening to Start Inspired, which is a podcast by one of my favorite YouTubers Samantha March. It really is an inspiring podcast, I highly recommend. The other podcast I like to listen to in the morning is Approachable with another YouTuber, Samantha Ravndahl and her friend Alyssa. (I’m not sure how to tag the podcasts Approachable  and Start Inspired) That may or may not work. If it doesn’t I’ll find a way to link them. So, those the podcasts I’m loving right now.

Last night my mom’s side of the family did a Google Meetup. It was my first time doing that in this quarantine, and I loved it. Being able to see the people I love and just have a chat, it was easy breezy. I’d love to do it again.

Anyway, this got a lot more ramblely than I planned, but that’s just how I am in the morning. Like I said, I’m not sure when this is going up, but I’m writing it on Sunday morning, so I’ll try and update on some things I touched on.

Hi, Mom

My mom may or may not read this, but it’s about to get real sappy. You have been warned.

Saying my mom is the best would be an understatement. She goes above and beyond for everyone and everything. Like, if you think of Leslie Knope, that’s pretty much my mom. She loves her town and she loves the people. Most importantly, she loves me. More than I even probably know.

Sometimes I think I take the fact that I have a mom like mine for granted. So many people may not have what we have. I cannot imagine my life being the same if my mom wasn’t my mom or who she was.

Who she is, she’s everything. She’s smart, caring, passionate, and so many other things, think of a positive characteristic and I can guarantee that she embodies it. Yes, she has her flaws, and yes, she passed down the procrastination gene. That’s okay though. I’ll take being a procrastinator over being a million other things. She acknowledges these flaws and handles mistakes with intelligence and grace.

I’m just so lucky. I’m going to keep this short in case she does read it.

Happy Mothers Day, mom.

Lazy Daze, but Not

You know when you want to want to do things, but you really don’t want to? Yeah, that’s me. It’s like when I say “I feel bad, but I don’t..” my boyfriend calls it babe logic. It’s because I can’t explain what I’m feeling, because it’s one of those in between feelings, like melancholy. Because I’m not really sad. Anyway, today is a day where I feel relatively okay, I want to do things, but I’m not having any motivation or direction. I just kind of want to be, just sit and be melancholy. I know I should do something to try and remedy it, but I kind of don’t want to. I want to start actually feeling my feelings and not just medicalizing them as symptoms.

I feel very melancholy right now. I’ve been listening to podcasts all day and it was a nice change to having youtube videos constantly on in the background. I’ve been into more non-fiction topics lately. The podcasts are real people, talking about real topics, sharing their real stories. Some of the things they talk about are just digging deep. I’m not sure why I made the switch from fiction to non-fiction, but I’m glad I did. It makes me feel less alone, I’m also learning a ton, and they all make me think.

Anyway, it looks like I have a lazy day ahead of me. Not a lazy day as in, I accomplished so much yesterday that I need to take the day off. Even though I did do a fair amount yesterday, but I always feel like I should be doing something. Like I should when I have energy, I feel like I should make up for all times that I was too anxious or depressed or just down, to do. But those days that I was feeling that way, they’re gone, there may not even be a point in doing the things I was supposed to do, because it’s past a deadline or I didn’t follow up with someone that I should have. So, today really isn’t a lazy day, but it’s also not, not a lazy day. If that makes any sense at all.

I’ve made the decision to pre-write some posts, because it does make me feel kind of accomplished, and it gives me a creative outlet. So if the tenses or times are weird in later posts, that’s why. I really want to take a nap, but that’s not a good idea, because whenever I take a nap I always feel worse after. So, I’m doing what I can to keep myself awake. It’s not like I haven’t been sleeping well, I’ve been sleeping pretty well considering all the emotions I’ve been feeling. It’s like I’m mini-cycling. As in, I’m bipolar, and I’m cycling but at a very minimal level. Like, I can’t find a happy medium, there is no neutral, it’s good mood or meh mood. Maybe I’ll write a post about being “meh”…time will tell. Regardless, I don’t necessarily feel bad today, but I’m also not in a good mood. I’ve been up since 5:30 am, I would usually exercise a little bit, but not this morning because I was having stomach pain last night, and I didn’t want to push it. So, I stretched, made coffee, scrolled through socials, had a phone session with my doctor. I mean, when I look at it on paper, it seems like I got a lot done. Especially for someone coming out of a severe depression, but I feel like it’s not enough. Because after the phone session I really didn’t do anything.

So the question is: lazy daze? or nah?