My little heart hurts. I can’t seem to figure out a happy medium for how to achieve things during the day. I’ll wake up and it’s hit or miss. Most of the morning I’m usually okay. At some point though the sadness gets me. I’m not down or depressed, I’m just sad. I’m in mourning. The only things that can heal something like this is time. That’s not an easy thing to accept, because we are used to having instant answers, but the only answer to someone close to you passing, is time.
I feel like all my inspiration and will power has left me. I have ideas, but I can’t seem to act on those ideas. I can make a list, but what’s the point if I don’t have the will power to complete it? To even get one of the tasks done. Yet, like when dealing with most things, some days are better than others. For example, a few days ago I set 3 simple goals. I completed all 3 before noon. Today though, I can barely get off the couch. This is actually the third post I’ve started today because nothing seems right. I’m not able to elaborate on any of my ideas. So, I’m back to the old school writing about my feelings.
I’m roasting today, so the kitchen where I work is over 80 degrees, which I’m sure isn’t helping anything. I don’t feel like watching anything. I don’t want to engage in social media because I’m overwhelmed by the news. I can barely handle what’s happening in my personal life, let alone create my opinions on what’s happening in the world. Being a political science major, I feel like I should have thoughts, ideas, and answers. Be able to carry out a discussion. Right now though, I just can’t.
I’m very anxious, that’s how it’s been for a few days. Just consumed by anxiety. Which just makes me want to shut down and do nothing. Just curl up in a blanket in front of my fan in my 78 degree living room. So, that’s what I do. I feel like there’s only a short period of time where I can get things done during the day, I have to find that time and do all the things that I can. I had a few posts planned for this week, but those will probably be on hold until next week. I keep hoping that the next day will be better, but there’s no way to tell if it will be. I mean, if we knew how we would feel the next day, well I don’t know what would happen.
I think something I’m learning is that I’m still learning. No one expects me to know all the answers and knowing myself I know I don’t have all the answers. I don’t have to be perfect. I’m aloud to feel my feelings how ever I need to express them.
A Delicate Odyssey 