I’m Just…

Tired, I’m just tired. Well more like exhausted, but not in an emotional way. Which is usually why I’m exhausted. I feel fine mentally, I mean I’m having a little bit of anxiety, but that’s nothing new. I think I’m so exhausted because I’m not as anxious. When I’m anxious my body just gets so tense and I just feel bad. Now that I’m less anxious, my body isn’t as tense, therefore my body is exhausted while my mind is not. My mind is telling me to do all these things, listen to podcasts, exercise, do all the work things. My body on the other hand is like, nope. It’s very irritating. Because my mind is clear and ready to go, but I just don’t want to. I have the ability to relax because my body isn’t tense, but because of my mind, I just can’t relax.

Maybe I need to start meditating. That’s the one thing everyone suggests that I don’t do, I just feel so awkward doing it. I’m not sure. I mean, I could try it in the morning while my coffee is brewing. Which takes about 4 minutes. So, maybe I could try 3 minutes, and just clear my mind and relax. I’m not very good at relaxing to begin with. I always feel like there’s something I should be doing.

Okay, it’s the next morning, and I am exhausted. I slept through the night just fine, but I woke up at 5:45 (which seems to be the new normal) did my morning routine. Watch some YouTube videos, eat a very small snack, then I did one of the circuits I created to exercise, made coffee, and now I’m listening to a podcast while trying to get some work done. I just want to curl up under the blankets and go back to sleep. The past week or so that I did this, I woke up and I was fine all day. Today that’s not the case. I’m just beyond exhausted. There’s tons to do today also, a full schedule of roasting, and working on the new blog that I’m creating for our business. I need to research some things, like what other companies in the same industry blog about, and other things along those lines.

I feel like if I keep going like this, I’m going to burn out. I feel though that because of my bipolar it’s one extreme or another. Like, its go, go, go, or nope, not happening. There is no in between. I know I need to work on that, because it really does bother me.

2 thoughts on “I’m Just…

  1. Ugh, I absolutely get the whole “I only have two modes, Go or Nothing” thing. I was diagnosed with bipolar for several years, and even though in the last year or so I’ve learned that it was a misdiagnosis, I still really relate to the lack of regulation with both emotions and energy levels.

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