Sunday Rambles

Yesterday, I went on the hunt for a fall candle. A candle that would, to me anyway, embody what I feel fall would smell like. The thing is, candles are expensive. Especially name brand candles. I ended up at TJ Maxx, and there I found the perfect fall candle. It’s purple and called wizards magic. Now, I LOVE Harry Potter, when I say love, I mean obsessed, also, purple is my favorite color, so it was meant to be. It was also only $7, which is a steal. Because the other candles that I got, are mini’s of Yankee Candle’s Autumn scent, because they were $2 each, meanwhile, the next size up was $16. So, I said nope to that. And I ended up with the wizards magic candle.

Now, you’re probably wondering why I just went on a rant about candles. I’ve been LOVING candles lately. They seem to calm me. Which made me realize that sometimes it’s the small things that make us happy. For example, me yesterday, finding the perfect candle at a reasonable price. Yet, that happiness didn’t last, yesterday ended up being a super weird day. I’m not sure how to explain it, it’s like, everything seems odd, or everything is off. I tried explaining it to my parents and they looked at me like I was crazy. So, I’m hoping someone here will understand.

So, even while the little things make me happy, I find that just like all my good moods, it’s fleeting. I never stay feeling “good” for long. I’m usually anxiety ridden, panic stricken, and just down. Which has made me realize that I have the bask in the small moments of extreme happiness, especially when a little, random thing makes me smile. I haven’t been having as many mood swings, but I am cycling between being neutral and being down. I’ve been having breakthrough symptoms of depression, like physically, but I don’t feel depressed. So, I’ve been struggling with that.

I just want to be happy, I know, it seems like a simple thing, but  it’s something that some people won’t entirely understand. Instead of me saying I don’t feel well anymore, I’ve been saying that I’m having “mood disorder complications”, which is true. When I don’t feel well, it usually has to do with my mood, and sometimes it’s organic, and there is literally nothing I can do about it.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, bask in the small things. Smell ALL the candles, and just take some time for yourself, even if it’s just a few minutes and you just take a few deep breaths, you have to do what’s best for you. For me, it’s going and just smelling candles or roaming around barnes and noble, or scrolling through the sephora or ulta app. Also, update, I already put instgram back on my phone. So, my social media detox will have to wait.

Find something small that makes you happy, and just go with it. Which I guess, is self care. I’m going to admit that I’m not the best at self care, I love the idea of it, I try to practice it, but I just can’t seem to stick to anything. So, for now, I’ll stick to smelling candles.

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