It’s 3 PM Somewhere

Everyday, without fail, at 3 o’clock every afternoon, I hit a wall, no matter what. I get so anxious and panicky, I feel suffocated, my mood dips severely. I can be in the best mood all day, but once 3 hits, I’m done. The minutes start going slower and I feel like I’m not going to make it to the end of the day. Somehow though, I usually make it. Sometimes, it’s just so unbearable that I can’t stay at work.

I don’t know how I do it. I suppose it takes some sort of inner strength. Something bigger is driving me, whether it’s getting a better GPA, or in the case of summer, money. Also, I have an hour quota I have to meet for my internship, so once I meet that, I can stop working. So, as of right now, I have 104 hours left, so I’m hoping I’ll be done in  about three weeks. The thing is, that, that all looks good on paper, but my anxiety has a mind of it’s own. Because for me to be done in three weeks, I have to work my regular hours, so n leaving early, coming in late, or taking long lunches. All things I do. I need to push myself to actually stick to my work schedule, because all the things I do now, probably won’t fly in the real world.

I feel like right now, I’m in a little bubble. The bubble that is my home town. I live around the corner from where I work, my mom is my boss, my barista knows my coffee order, and my best friends aren’t very far away. Boy, am I going to have a shock when I move. Which I 100% plan on doing within the next few years. Before that, the thing that pops my bubble, is school. I have to drive all the way to the opposite end of the island for classes. They also give me that 3 PM feeling, even when it’s not 3 PM yet. I hit a lull hard when I’m on campus, and I can’t not be on campus. I’m left with all upper division classes, so I have to go to class. Which means leaving my comfort zone, at least a few days a week. You think it would be easier by now, that I wouldn’t get so uncomfortable going to school, but even after all these semesters, it hasn’t gotten easier.

Bipolar and anxiety often inhibit me, which I know isn’t good. It makes me want to stay in my bubble, but then sometimes, I get so anxious or have an episode while inside my little bubble, that I just want to leave. I want to get out of here sometimes, I want to escape the 3 PM feeling, because sometimes I have that feeling all the time. Just the suffocating, panicky feeling. I need to find a way to cope, especially at work. I’ll start with finding coping mechanisms for work, then I’ll find some for school. Because what’s important now, is getting my hours done.

Advertisement

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s