Some sort of love

I now know what its like to love someone in secret. To love them in such a way where its obvious and it’s not, to have the type of relationship thats on the brink, the slippery slope of staying the way you are to each other or trying to be something more. It’s the type of thing where you act, but don’t say, you act a certain way and do certain things but refuse to acknowledge it with words as to not make it into something real.
I now know what it is to realize what could be divine intervention, but after the fact. Something happens and it seems like nothing out of the ordinary until something extraordinary comes out of it. Then know that maybe it was supposed to be that way. Then you miss you chance, you fall in love and you know they feel it to, it’s unacknowledged love. Then the next thing you know it’s all being ripped out from under you in a matter of minutes.
Everything changes it a few seconds with just a few words.
You finally know what it feels like to have your heart ripped out of your chest unintentionally. Your love is lost forever, sent out into the unknown never to return, sent away with one single sentence, because everything, from that moment on is different. But the next thing you know, your picking your heart up off the ground and putting it back in your chest, because somehow you find a sliver of hope. well, maybe not hope, but something along the lines of no harm no foul. He never said he felt anyway about you and you never said it either. You’re not really okay, but you’re not hurting either. It’s an odd feeling, but you like it, because you don’t lose each other, theres just a newly found line that you you dare not cross. So you dance on it, near it, and around it, but you’re careful never to cross it. This isn’t one of those things where people say “go ahead cross the line, be bold, daring, and wild” but you know this is not the time or place for that. Both of you know that.
So you just live in the moments, because it’s the type of thing that has built up tension and caring and this sort of bond that can not be defined or explained. So you just let it be, let it play it’s course for the short time you are together. And then you let him go. Because you always keep at the back of your mind that no matter what happens here he’s going back to someone else, sleeping in another persons bed, and as much as you don’t like it, at the same time you’re more than okay with it.
Because to me, that’s a part of love, sacrificing your wants for their needs.
And at the end of the day, he may be what you want, but you’re the farthest thing from what he needs.


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